


Arrested for Causing Fire-Breathing Swans to Burn Down Tirion? It's More Likely Than You Think!

by joanofarcstan



Series: tumblr prompts [4]
Category: TOLKIEN J. R. R. - Works & Related Fandoms, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor, although not for arson, don't mess with them i guess, fire-breathing swans, it ends in fire and arrest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-06-23
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:47:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24877927
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joanofarcstan/pseuds/joanofarcstan
Summary: 11. "We could get arrested for this." Maedhros & Finrod. Requested on tumblr.
Relationships: Finrod Felagund | Findaráto & Maedhros | Maitimo, Fëanor | Curufinwë & Fingolfin | Ñolofinwë
Series: tumblr prompts [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1789078
Comments: 11
Kudos: 32
Collections: Dialogue Prompts





	Arrested for Causing Fire-Breathing Swans to Burn Down Tirion? It's More Likely Than You Think!

**Author's Note:**

  * For [theoreticlove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theoreticlove/gifts).



Well, it was all Maitimo's fault. _He_ had decided that it would be a good idea to bring the baby swan he had found into the city, to "set on my father and uncle when they start arguing again." 

Maitimo had neglected to mention that the baby swan was fire-breathing. And that its fire-breathing parents were looking for it. And that Tirion was flammable. ~~(Okay, they knew that one already.)~~

"We could get arrested for this," Findaráto whispered to his cousin as they hid behind a set of bushes, "lying in wait" (Maitimo's words!) for uncles Fëanáro and Nolofinwë and hoping that the baby swan wouldn't set anything else on fire in the meantime.

"For what? Arson?"

"What, arson?" Findaráto mimicked Maitimo's incredulity. " _Yes_ , arson! We set fire to the debating hall!"

"Which is only ever used by my father and Nolofinwë."

"So? We set fire to it!"

Maitimo sighed. For someone very intelligent (although Findaráto was now revising this), he could be surprisingly dense. Especially when it came to the legality of setting things that were not his own on fire. "Well… technically it was not us. It was the swan."

"Which we brought into the city."

"It was lost!"

"We made it panic by picking it up and running off!"

" _It was lost!"_

"Its parents were clearly nearby, seeing as they've set—" The bush they were hiding behind suddenly went up in flames to reveal two very large, very angry, very much fire-breathing swans. "—our hiding place on fire," Findaráto finished weakly.

Maitimo's eyes widened. It would have been comical had they not currently been preoccupied with not dying via fire-breathing swan. " _RUN!"_

"Put the baby down! Then they'll stop chasing us!"

Maitimo whipped around to face him. "Have you—seen them?!" he panted. "They're—hell-bent—revenge!"

It turned out that Findaráto need not reply to that, for the baby ( _fire-breathing_ ) swan in Maitimo's arms chose that exact moment to set his shirt on fire. And Fëanáro and Nolofinwë chose that moment (immediately after Maitimo's shirt was set on fire) to come upon them from a side street, in the midst of debating what was obviously a contentious point, which might range from arguing about at what point it became unethical to curb the rights of the individual in favour of the collective or about whether or not the sky was real.

"I've _told_ you, but you won't listen—"

" _I_ won't listen?! _You're_ the one saying that the existence of thunderstorms is an allegory for the fact that all living beings are terribly alone and at the mercy of whatever higher power wants to toy with us! _They're just thunderstorms!"_

"Shut _up—"_

"No—"

"No, really, shut up! Is that—?"

"A fire-breathing swan?" Findaráto supplied helpfully, as Maitimo was incapacitated due to his rolling-on-the-ground-to-put-the-fire-out state.

His uncle Nolofinwë rubbed his forehead. "So this is what Arafinwë was telling me about his wife telling him about the swans telling her earlier."

His other uncle Fëanáro, as an obvious counterpoint, looked intrigued. "So they truly breathe fire? What sort of mechanism is it? I suppose breathing must supply the air needed to feed the flames. But then what do they use as combustion material? How do they control it?" Thankfully, by now the fire-breathing swans were gone with their fire-breathing baby.

Nolofinwë was incredulous. "Your son is _on fire_ , Fëanáro, and you are worrying about reaction mechanisms?!"

Well, to be fair, Maitimo was mostly not on fire anymore, and Fëanáro said as much. Nolofinwë only shook his head in response. "Let's… get you both home," he sighed. "Maitimo, you can… change a shirt, and Findaráto, you can… have a talk with your mother before your hearing."

Maitimo's eyes widened. It would also have been comical had Nolofinwë not said— "Hearing?"

Nolofinwë raised his eyebrows. "Yes. You're both under arrest for criminal recklessness."

**Author's Note:**

> no regrets whatsoever. credit for the fire-breathing swan concept goes to @fingolfins (if you're reading this ily it is the Best concept) on tumblr!
> 
> as usual, thank you for reading! comments, questions, concerns, screaming all welcome here and on my tumblr @[laurierliberal](https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard/blog/laurierliberal)!


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